Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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