Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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