we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
