She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
