umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
