I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
