Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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