I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
