No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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