Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
