I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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