I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If that was your dad, he is hot
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
