I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
