I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
