I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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