you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dignity is for republicans.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
