i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
