He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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