Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
