Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
