I will die if light touches me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And then he peed in my hair
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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