walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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