I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
