Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just threw up on my dentist
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
