your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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