So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
