I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
