I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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