I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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