I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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