Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
