Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
