I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
