Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
