Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
