god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
