Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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