She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
