you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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