Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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