and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
