i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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