Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She announced her abortion via fbk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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