So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
