Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
