My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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