i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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