No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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