Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
