I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
