1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
